just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
