I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
