Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
