Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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