You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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