hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
