the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
