put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Randomize
