Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
