it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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