it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
