at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
