So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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