Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
