cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
