Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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