found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
