If that was your dad, he is hot
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
did i just pee glitter
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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