More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
