Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
