We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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