just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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