i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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