I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize