i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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