the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
NoShamevember. You game?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
