Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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