I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
