we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
