this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize