Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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