end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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