fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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