At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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