I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
