We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
