It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
