When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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