My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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