I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
