the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
