I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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