I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
