Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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