I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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