and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
