I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
