i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
