He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
