You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
