I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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