worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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