Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
