Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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