You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
