I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
