Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
