Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
