Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
