Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
