Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
