Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
