This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
