sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
