the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
