i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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