All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
home. puking in laundry basket.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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