I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
