i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
