The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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