i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
