i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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