I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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