You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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