She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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