so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
