Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
