should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
