Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
