I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize