a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
