I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
