Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
