okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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