you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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