Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So much Jack, so little girl.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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