fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
