It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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