my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
