It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
