I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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