Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Randomize
