apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
