Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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